Insurmountable Changes
by FruitSmiles
Summary: Shane: a father reappearing in the life of a young mother, a mother risking it all just to provide a happy and good nature home: Mitchie, and a little girl, yearning for the happiness of her mother: Alexandra. Secrets, past and present, will brings insurmountable changes to this new family. (Rated T- subject to change)
1. The Arrival

"Mommy" "Mommy" "MOMMMY!" Alexandra jumped up and down on my bed, waking me from my dead sleep. "What is it baby?" "Someone's ringing da bell. You say don't answer the door so I don't but they is still ringing it." She smiled brightly, her dark hair in a mess around her oval face. I moved from the covers and picked her up; she wrapped herself around my hip. "Let's go see who it is shall we?" She nodded, leaning her head against my shoulder.

Alexandra, only four years old, and barely so, was the daintiest of her entire Kindergarten class but without a doubt the brightest and smartest- hence why she was in Kindergarten at four. "Hello, are you Miss. Torres?" I nodded simply to the older man dressed in a nice suit; dressed much like a business man, he stood tall and affirmative. "I'm here to discuss the guardianship of Alexandra Lee Gray on behalf of Shane Ross Gray." It took everything in me at that moment to not drop my mouth- or my daughter. "Mommy, that's my name!" Alexandra spoke blatantly. "Yes it is baby. Hey, how about you go get some breakfast before we drop you off for school okay? Make some cereal." I put Alexandra down on the floor and she trotted off towards the kitchen. "Come in, would you like some tea or coffee?"

His name was Chase Jenkins, Shane's lawyer. He'd been working with him for several years and Shane had brought to his attention that he wanted to see Alexandra, but didn't see it quite fit to pop in on his own without being kicked out or put in jail- smart he was sending Chase too, because he was quite right about what would have happened had he shown on his own.

"May I ask why now? Why not the day he left me in the hospital after her birth? Or when I brought her home? Or her first birthday? Or even her second?" Chase sighed, "I don't know if you've heard but Shane was put into a rehabilitation center for an alcohol addiction." I scoffed, interrupting him rudely, "You've got to be kidding me, right? Shane? Addicted?" "It's the truth. Four years ago he became addicted." I began laughing, "Okay, who paid you to pull this prank?" Chase's expression became idle and very _very _serious. "I can assure you nothing about this matter is a prank. And I can also assure you that every bit of Shane's alcoholism has got something to do with his confusion and loss of you and your daughter." I wasn't able to speak before a crash came echoing in the living room from the kitchen. "MOMMY! I SPILLED MILK!" Alexandra said in her 'oops' tone where she raised her voice and laughed in between phrases. "One moment" I cautioned Chase.

"I'm busy with this whole single mom thing, ya know, so tell Shane if he would like to further discuss seeing my- I mean, our daughter, he is more than welcome to come by tonight at seven for dinner. And let him know I won't call the cops on him or kick him off the property as long as he chooses to behave." I told Chase as I escorted him out of the house. "Will do Miss. Torres. Thank you for your time." I nodded politely.

"Ma, guess who showed up at my house today?" I clutched the phone to my ear, turning in to the parking garage of my work. "The lottery?" I chuckled, "Good guess. Shane's lawyer." I heard her chuckle, "Mitchie, really? Who showed up? I have a designer showing in fifteen minutes. I don't have time for jokes." I chuckled again, simultaneously locking my car doors and clutching my purse and coffee in my free hand. "No, I'm being serious. Shane wants to see Alexandra." My mother didn't reply for quite some time, "Mom?" She breathed in, "I'm here. I just can't believe," she paused- I heard a chair screeching, "After all this time. Why now?" "Ma, I asked myself the same question. I don't know. I invited Shane over for dinner tonight. Well, I invited him through his lawyer so who knows if he'll show up. His lawyer said he'd been in rehab recently; some alcoholism that occurred after he left us." I swiped my keycard along the keypad on the front door. I nodded toward the front desk; Missy handed me a packet of papers I'd need to file for the day. _Thank you,_ I mouthed. Missy nodded in return. "Well darling, please be careful. I don't want that man causing you any trouble now. You're finally on your feet with the new house and new job; I don't want to see you going back to being nineteen. You're twenty-three and a woman, I can only hope that Shane wants nothing but good things out of this. If you have any trouble just let me know and I'll drive over." I rolled my eyes at her last statement; she was three hours away, if anything were to happen, it would take nothing but an hour for someone to end up battered and bruised. "Alright mom. Will do. I'm at the office now. Thought I'd keep you updated, love you."

My job was more than lenient with me when it came to my hours. They let me come in at eight rather than seven like everyone else because of Alexandra. They allowed me to have weekends off, I just had to work from home, and they allowed me to leave work at three instead of four thirty, but I also had twice the work load as everyone else. I was an assistant to Judge Matthews, the best lawyer that Dallas had ever had. I filed all his court dates, typed up copies of the witness statements- I did what needed to be done- whether it was scheduling dates of cases, calling in lawyers and attorneys to meet with him or pulling out old cases to be re-trialed. The hard part was working from home because most of the time I'd have dozens of voicemails from people I'd called throughout the week and would have to return the calls once Alexandra was asleep. Sadly, the work world didn't stop on the weekends when I went home. But I was quickly coming accustomed to the new job, having been there for four months; the regular callers didn't mind leaving me voicemails at home because they knew I would return their calls later in the evening.

"How was school today?" Alexandra wrapped her fingers around mine, "It was okay. This boy was being kind of mean to me today. He took my crayons without asking for them." Alexandra hopped in the car; I buckled her in. "Wanna know something?" She nodded her head, "The same thing happened to mommy. There was this boy when I was a teenager and he use to pick on me and say mean things to me." I kneeled close to her, "And one time he took mommy's guitar without asking and then I found out he did all those things because he liked me. He just didn't know how to tell me." Alexandra's eyes were wide and all-knowing, "Why didn't he just say 'I like you'?" I laughed, "I don't know baby. Boys are confusing." I shut her door and walked over to the driver side. "Mommy, I got a question." I looked in my rear view mirror at her; her expression was filled with wonder, "What is it?" She blinked for a moment, much like I did when I didn't know if I should say something. "Was that boy daddy? The boy that made fun of you?" I didn't respond until I got out of the parking lot, "That boy was daddy." She stared out the window and then turned to me, "Did you like him too?" I smiled, "Of course I did. We had you. I loved daddy." Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped, "You LOVED him?" I smiled brightly, "Yeah, I wouldn't have had you if I didn't love him." She nodded again, "So where did daddy go again?" "He went back to California when I had you." Alexandra looked dead at me, "Because his job was important, right?" I'd told her this story before, she recited a line I'd used one too many times in the story. "Yes, baby." "It wasn't cause he didn't love you anymore was it?" I smiled at her, "Well that's something I won't ever know." I said softly, but thankfully, Alexandra assumed I didn't answer her because her bright brown eyes continued to stare out the window. Oh how she got distracted the same way Shane did.

"Remember today when we talked about mommy and daddy?" Alexandra nodded, pulling out her favorite blue and yellow flower-print sundress. "Yes." I helped her put it on, and then I tied the bow on the back. "Well, that guy that came by earlier is a friend of daddy's." Alexandra turned to me, her eyes filled with excitement, "He knows daddy?!" I nodded, "Yep. And he said that daddy wants to see you tonight." Her eyes became teary. "Me?" She whispered. I nodded, "Is that okay?" She nodded several times, clearly filled with joy, "Does he want to see you?" She asked me, handing me her brush; she loved whenever I brushed her hair. She sat on my lap as I brushed her hair, "I didn't ask his friend but right now all that matters is that you get to meet him. Don't worry about mommy okay?" I finished putting her hair in a small braid, "You look very beautiful" I told her. She grabbed my hand and pulled me in to my room and opened my closet, "You have to look pretty too, mommy. Daddy hasn't seen you in forever!" I chuckled, "Okay. But only because you want me to."

"Woah! Mommy you look like a princess!" I was wearing a black dress, it covered up my cleavage and was bound to my knees but it hugged my figure very well; my dark, curly hair flowed down my shoulders to the lower part of my back. I wore little makeup but enough to make me look presentable. "Let's start cooking!" Alexandra pulled out some pots and pans.

The doorbell's familiar tone echoed throughout the house as well as my ear drums. My heart sped up at a ridiculous pace as I made my way to the door. I opened the door and was immediately hit with Shane's fragrance; it was as if I'd been transported back in time to the day we first met, the day he first came to my cabin to introduce himself.


	2. Our Daughter

"Hello, Mitchie." Shane spoke politely, to my surprise. Also, to my surprise, he was dressed in khakis and a polo; something he rarely wore years ago. His cheek bones were much more prominent and he was clean shaven, but his manly features were hard to miss, his hair much shorter than when I'd last seen him, and he was still much taller than me, but just enough for me to be comfortable looking up at him. "Come in, Shane." My smile wasn't forced, again, to my surprise.

"Alexandra! Where are you?" I heard her faint voice from the bathroom down the hall. "Mommy, come here! Quick!" I turned to Shane. "If you could give me a moment. Make yourself at home." I gestured toward the couch and Shane politely accepted, taking a seat on the couch, eyeing the portraits of music and Alexandra on the fireplace and walls. "What's going on?" I entered the bathroom to find Alexandra standing in front of the mirror with a distraught look on her face, her eyebrows scrunched up and her eyes wandering. "Mom, how do I know he will like me? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he thinks I'm ugly? What if—" Her breathing became frantic, I interrupted, "Alexandra, calm down, baby. He is going to like you, okay. I know he will. If he didn't want to see you he wouldn't be here. And he would never think you're ugly." "But mom-" "Alexandra, calm down. Let me tell you something okay?" She nodded, "Shane has never been on time. For anything. He wasn't even on time for our first date, or our first show, or anything. But tonight he was on time. So I know he wants to be here." She nodded, "That's good. But can you ask him to be sure?" She raised her eyebrows in the same way Shane did when he wanted something, "Fine, I'll ask him. Stand out in the hall okay?" She took my hand and stood in the hall. I walked down back to the kitchen in to the living area where Shane still sat. "Hey," I said softly, he stood and turned to me, "Is she okay?" He said with caution, "She's afraid you won't like her." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, looking down briefly. He looked me dead in the eye, "She's four and she already doubts herself. Much like you." I shrug, "She's a lot like you too. She has your eyes." Shane's face lit up. "Do you wanna meet her?" I said with a smug smile, he nodded, rubbing his palms together nervously.

"Alexandra, Shane wants to meet you. You can come out here." I called down the hall. I heard her soft footsteps. She came in and stood beside me, grabbing my hand. "Hi Shane. I'm Alexandra Lee Gray." My heart skipped a beat. Shane walked over to us and kneeled a few feet from Alexandra. "Hi Alexandra, I'm Shane, I'm one of your mom's old friends. Would it be okay if I joined you for dinner?" Alexandra looked up at me for approval, "It's your choice" I told her, she nodded, "You get to do dishes, deal?" Shane chuckled and shook her hand, "Sounds like a deal." Shane was much more comfortable around Alexandra than he was towards me which was a relief; he was tense and nervous around me but at ease and compliant with Alexandra.

After dinner, while Shane cleaned up the dishes, I took Alexandra up to her room to change, "He doesn't have to go yet does he?" I shook my head, "Not yet, I just want you to change so you're comfy okay? I'm going to change too. Come to my room when you're done." A few minutes later Alexandra met me in my room. "So quickly, tell me what you think about him." She sat next to me on the bed in her flower pajamas. "I think he's nice and he's funny and I like him. But I don't want him to leave." I brought Alexandra close, "I'm sure he'll be back." I told her in an assuring tone- even though I wasn't so sure myself.

Somehow Alexandra coaxed us in to playing a few games with her- which she beat us all in- UNO, Wii Sports and Connect Four. "Shane, do you have to leave? Can't you stay? We have an extra room! I'll even wake up early and make pancakes. Mommy makes them really good so maybe she can help. Please!" Alexandra pleaded after we'd finished our last game of Connect Four. "I don't know Alexandra. Your mom might not want me to." Alexandra then moved over to me, "Mommy, tomorrow isn't even a school day. It's Saturday so I think he should stay the night! Please! Mommy please!" I put my hand underneath her chin, "He can stay, but you get your butt into bed. Brush your teeth and I'll come in and sing you a song, okay?" She nodded excitedly, "Thanks mommy." She kissed my cheek and ran up the stairs.

"Are you sure you want to stay? Don't feel forced." Shane looked at me with a soft smile, "I want to. She's an angel." I smiled, "She has her moments." Shane grabbed my arm before I walked away, "Do you think I could sing with you? If you don't mind?" I hesitated briefly, "Only because I know she would like that." I agreed. Thankfully, Shane released his hand from my arm because the touch was all too familiar and all too soon. Any grace, any caress was another small ounce of me being wrapped away from myself and being wrapped in to him. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed the brief moment it was there because it was reality, it was like a pinch in a dream, and it allowed me to accept that for whatever time, he was there. I hoped with every ounce in me he wasn't going to walk away from Alexandra the same way he walked away from me. I could take it, but Alexandra couldn't.

"You" "Me" "We're face to face but we don't see eye to eye"…

Singing our old song acapella was quite like old times but much better and more meaningful. "That was beautiful mommy." Alexandra complimented me at the finish of our song. I kissed her forehead, "Ready to be tucked in?" Alexandra scooted to the middle of her bed, "I'm ready" I tucked the blanket along her sides and then her feet, "Comfy?" I questioned, watching her little body squirm a little beneath the blankets. She smiled, "Like a cocoon! I'm gonna wake up a butterfly!" "Yes you will. Sweet dreams." "Night Shane!" She called as he left, "Goodnight Alexandra!" He called back. I shut her door softly.

"I'm going to get some clothes, okay?" I nodded slowly, walking Shane towards the door, "Shane, I haven't seen you in years so I don't know what you may do. All I ask is that if you're going to leave and not come back, be honest. I don't want any more surprise escapes from you." I spoke honestly and even managed to look him dead in the eye. "Mitchie, don't worry. I'll be back." He vowed swiftly.

Shane kept to his word and arrived again ten minutes later with a suitcase. "I'm not moving in or anything, I just arrived in town and didn't want to keep you waiting." I laughed, "It's fine, you can follow me." I escorted Shane down the hall to the guest room, "My room is connected to yours through the bathroom so if you go in there just make sure to lock the door. But here it is. I'll let you get settled."

"What book are you reading?" Shane questioned as he entered the room, "It's just a book of lyrics from students around the state." Shane sat down on the other end of the couch, a comfortable distance from me. "Your home is beautiful, by the way." Shane complimented, "Thanks. It took three years of saving every penny I had and a few pennies of my mother's but I did it." He smiled but his expression didn't match it. We didn't speak for a few minutes; the tension began to rise until he broke it. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for the two of you sooner. I feel as though now I'm intruding into your lives and it's not fair to either of you." I shrugged, "What's done is done but you are not by any means intruding in our lives. We're getting used to a new lifestyle anyway so it's not like you're intruding in our normal routine because that hasn't even been established yet." He nodded, "I appreciate you allowing me to come over, especially allowing me to stay." I shook my head, "I did it for her Shane, not you. I don't mean to be rude but you hurt me and if I were single with no child, I wouldn't have let you over but that baby girl up there is my world. And finding out she had a chance at having a father to help her through things I couldn't turn that away—knowing that opens a world of opportunities for her and despite what you did to me, I'm willing to put that away because I want her to have a father. More importantly, I want her to have her real father." Shane looked at me with a soft smile and a loving expression. "You're an amazing mother to her." I shook my head, "I'm doing the best I can." He moved over, "Does she know?" He whispered, as if she could hear all the way down to us, "That I'm her father?" I nodded, "I told her. But she doesn't want to run you out either." He smiled, "She's too much like you." I laughed and playfully shoved his shoulder, "No, she's too much like you." Our eyes caught one another's briefly, but just enough for the both of us to realize what had just occurred.

"Mitchie," He whispered, "I want to do what I can to show you that I'm willing to be here for Alexandra. I want to be her father, I want to care for her and protect her." I smiled, "That's great Shane. But one day at a time okay?" He nodded, "I also want to be here for you. I want to show you that I can be faithful, not just as a father but as a friend. I want to prove to you in any way I possibly can that I'm not going anywhere. Even if you were single without Alexandra, I would still be standing here." I closed my eyes briefly, "Shane, after four years, you send a lawyer to my house to ask to come into my daughter's life. And I agree. But in no way shape or form have I allowed you in to mine. For the time being, I ask you focus you're attention on Alexandra and her needs. She needs you more than I do. And once you've established a relationship with her then you can pour your heart out. But tonight isn't the night." Shane stood, "That's understandable, but Mitchie," Shane's face was firm, "Yes?" I questioned cautiously, he looked upset. "She's our daughter. Not just yours." He spoke brokenly. "I'm sorry, I'm just used to saying-" "Don't. It's fine." Shane said in a soft tone, making his way to the guest room.

I was going to have to get used to yet another change, the hardest part would be the "our" part. For four years Alexandra had been mine and now I had to give up some time with her so she could be with her father; something I'd wanted so bad in the first place…something I didn't expect…but it was real, and it was time to accept the fact that Shane Gray was back in my life and now in _our_ daughter's life for the very first time.


	3. Feelings of Promise

I woke to the banging of pots and pans and the smell of bacon vaporizing my nostrils. I jumped from my bed and ran into the kitchen where I saw Alexandra on a stool placing three pieces of bacon in a forward motion towards the hot stove, the familiar sizzle of the bacon setting on the pan echoed throughout the room. "Alexandra, what in the world are you doing?!" I exclaimed, placing her on the floor. "You know better than to be around hot stoves when mommy is sleeping." Alexandra looked at me, puzzled. "Mom, Shane is helping me. He said he'd be right in." Just before I could reply, footsteps came in to the room. "I apologize, Mitchie. You can go back to sleep if you'd like. I won't leave the room again. We'll wake you when breakfast is ready." I sighed but didn't refuse the offer of extra sleep, besides; Alexandra needed some quality time between herself and Shane.

A slight movement woke me. The movement caused the bed to cave in more than usual when Alexandra was on it with me, that's how I knew that it was Shane. "Mitchie, wake up" Shane lightly patted my leg. "Mmmm" I groaned sleepily. "We made your favorite." He said with a soft grin. "I don't wanna get up." I groaned again, stretching. Then I saw the tray beside him on a bedside stand. "Alexandra says you're like this often. This was her idea." He admitted smugly. "Uhhuh" I said with doubt, "Just gimme the food" I demanded jokingly. Shane looked at me and down at my food. "I just might have a bite. That bacon sure does look good." He said it jokingly and with a flirtatious look but it still caught me off guard. He differed so much from who he used to be, I felt like I was getting to know someone completely new, it frightened me and reassured me.

"Okay, just keep stirring, just not too fast." Shane guided Alexandra's hand around the bowl of batter. "Like this?" Alexandra questioned, looking at Shane for approval. Shane nodded and gave her a smile, which she reciprocated the smile with one of her own. "Okay, so when you only see the color of the cake and there's no more bumps then you can put it in the pan. But we'll use a spoon for that. We gotta be sure that we make it even in the pan though so we'll pour it and use the spoon for the leftover batter that doesn't come out of the bowl." Shane instructed Alexandra, shockingly, she held on to his every word.

"This is really good baby. Good job." I kissed Alexandria's forehead, "Thanks mommy." She said through chocolate covered teeth. "Shane, can you take me to go see that new movie? The one about superhero kids," Shane smiled at her, looking at me for approval, "Would you like to join?" Shane asked me, taking the last bite of his cake, "I'm okay. The two of you should go. I could use some alone time." Alexandra looked from Shane to I and back. "Mommy, you have to come! It's superheroes!" I sighed softly, "Baby, why don't you and Shane go without me?" Her lip began to quiver and I knew I had done it. "You don't wanna spend time with us?" I moved closer, holding her cheeks in between my hands, "Baby, I always wanna spend time with you." She clenched her lips to keep them from quivering. "So come with us. Please." She spoke once she recovered. "Okay, I'll go too." Somehow I felt that Shane asked me to go for more than just Alexandra, somewhere, deep down, he wanted to get the feel of going out on a date with me again, even if it was as a family. It was his way of getting me reeled back in. But whether or not it was for good I couldn't decide at that given moment.

Shane pulled out my seat for me and took the seat next to me. Alexandra sat across from us. "Do you want me to sit by you?" I questioned, knowing Shane sat by me for a reason. "No, it's okay. I like having this room." Alexandra smiled widely, "Mommy, I want the chocolate dessert!" She pointed to the picture, "Okay, after we eat the good food first." I chuckled.

"Is mac and cheese your favorite food?" Shane asked Alexandra. She nodded, "I also love carrots and green beans and chocolate! Lots of chocolate!" Shane observed her slowly, the way I once did when she was first born. It was a sight to see, I'd never, ever, seen Shane be so interested in someone before. "You still love oranges and fettuccine?" Shane questioned me next, looking at me in the same way he was looking at Alexandra. I was taken aback momentarily, "Um, yeah." I stuttered. "You still like pumpkin pie and steak?" Shane smiled knowingly, "You bet." He winked lightly. I smiled in return, "You've changed." I said softly, just enough for him to hear. "I know" He said simply. And that was that.

Alexandra was wrapped around Shane's waist, her head fast asleep on his shoulder. She'd fallen asleep towards the end of the movie, not to my surprise either, after eating an entire bowl of macaroni and then two pieces of cheesecake after her main meal. Alexandra was always one with an appetite. The way Shane cradled Alexandra caught me off guard; he held her tenderly and the way she clung to him was as if she had known him for years. She wasn't even that attached to my sisters yet but her connection between Shane ran deep, and I had to remind myself that she **our **daughter, not just mine.

"He's been staying there Michelle?" I sighed as my mother scolded me with my whole name. "It was one day. And it's only because Alexandra wants him to." My mother sighed on the other end of the phone, "I'm worried. I don't want him hurting you two." "Mother, you should see the way he acts around her. You should see the way he acts around me. He's different. And I don't think it's an act either. It's genuine. He's a man." I explained, "Don't you dare fall in love with him again, Mitchie." I sighed, "Ma, I'm focused on Alexandra. Anything that may be between Shane and I is just there, it's nothing that either of us are pressing. We both are focused on our daughter." My mother was pacing, I could hear her feet shuffling across the floor, "Mitchie, she's your daughter. He's been missing for the last five years falling over drunk and doing who knows what. She is yours. He was simply the other half that made her." "Mother, enough. He was in rehab, recovering from his previous addiction. He wasn't falling over drunk somewhere. How dare you accuse him, you don't know what he's been through. Alexandra is barely four. She hardly remembers last year, I highly doubt she's going to be traumatized forever because he's been missing this long. It's not like she's twenty four like me." I heard my mother stop pacing. "Look mom, I know that you went through this but Shane isn't my sperm donor, he's a man. And he cares. So please, give him a chance." "Okay, but keep your guard up." "I will, bye ma."

"Everything okay?" Shane stepped in to the living room, "How much did you hear?" I asked stupidly. "Enough" He admitted. "I'm sorry." I apologized, looking down awkwardly. The tension grew little by little. "Alexandra is fast asleep. I hope you didn't mind me just putting her to bed in what she was wearing." Shane changed the subject, thank goodness. "No it's fine. Thank you for paying for dinner and the movie, you didn't have to." Shane took a seat next to me on the couch, "I did have to, and it was my pleasure. Best fifty dollars ever spent." I could tell that Shane meant every word. "Mitchie?" When I looked at Shane, his face was distorted- concerned. He reached to my cheek, wiping away something. "You're crying, why?" He asked cautiously. He moved closer, this time, wiping away more tears with each hand. "I never dreamt that you would come back and be this way. You're amazing. And I'm so damn afraid that it is a dream. That I'm going to wake up or Alexandra's going to wake up and you won't be here. And I wouldn't be able to go on like that." I poured out my heart; Shane listened closely and was sure I was finished before responding, "Mitchie, you need to understand that I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm an adult and I've grown. I'm not going to be leaving anytime soon. I want to stick through everything left to come. Alexandra is a joy to be around, she really is. And you make it all the worthwhile in between. Believe me, the last thing I plan to do is leave." I tried to take his words to heart but I failed to so- my heart was firmly guarded. Too much was left broken from previous years, too many things I couldn't easily forget.

_Four Years Ago_

"_AHHH!" Each groan increased the pressure, each breath felt like my last. I grasped my mother's hand with what energy I could muster. I wanted to just end it all then and there, just die on the hospital bed. I didn't care to go on. My daughter would be fine without me. I wasn't able to accept the fact that the baby's dad wouldn't be there today, tomorrow or ever. The thought was interrupted by another pressure point. "AHHH! GET HER OUT!" I pushed and the doctor's stood guard; holding my legs, holding my hand, holding my head, waiting for the baby. "There she is." One said. "GET. HER. OUT!" I screeched. Then, everything went black._

"_Has she eaten?- Feeding tubes—Everything—okay,-good—stable-baby." In and out, in and out. Assuming consciousness and discontinuing it, back and forth for what felt like days. Once I came to, I realized I was only out for six hours. I'd panicked while having the baby and my blood pressure rose really high, causing me to faint. Luckily, they were able to get the baby out just as I was passing out. I woke with an oxygen mask strapped around my face. I went to grab it when an arm caught me. "Don't. It's helping." My mother told me. I rolled my eyes, closing them, hoping I would magically die again. No luck. I needed him..I needed Shane…I couldn't do this without him. There was no way…or so I thought._

"Hey, Mitch." My heart jumped at the use of my nickname, "Yea?" I spoke groggily, "You plan on sleeping on me all night?" Shane questioned with a chuckle. I then realized that my body lay against his chest, "Oh, uh, sorry." I spoke, moving away, propping myself up on the couch. "I didn't mind, I just thought I'd ask." He grinned knowingly. "Sorry, I've been quite tired." He nodded, "So I see. I would think you'd be less tired now that you have only half the pressure of taking care of Alexandra." I shrugged, "You being here has doubled it." Shane's eyebrows came together, "Is that so? Don't trust me?" He caught my eye with his devilish grin, "Of course I do. You're just like taking care of another child, I mean." I smirked in response. "I'd challenge that." He retorted, "And you'd lose." I stated, "Nah, I'd win. I don't lose." I rolled my eyes, "Oh please. Don't get cocky." Shane began laughing, "Let's be honest, Mitch, I win more often than you." I tossed my hands up in defeat, "Fine, you win." "See, I told you." Shane smirked.

"So, are you planning to stay again?" I asked softly, my tone changing to serious. "Maybe." His lips pursed and his eyes bore in to mine. "Do you want me to?" I bit my lip but didn't respond, I didn't know how to respond. His fingertips ran across my bottom lip. "I don't want to make this hard on you." I shook my head. "You're not making this hard. I am." Shane looked at me bewilderedly, "In what way?" I closed my eyes, "I'm fighting what I can't fight" Shane looked at me softly, "And what is that?" I shook my head softly, "My feelings." I looked at him, grabbing his hand, "For you" He caressed my thumb with his, looking at me with the same look he gave me earlier at dinner. "Don't fight it anymore. Just let go, trust that everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to. I promise that everything will work out for the best." Shane smiled reassuringly, "Okay. I can do that." I said with every ounce of my heart believing in his promise.


	4. Sweet Kiss

"Mommy, wake up!" Alexandra pushed my side, "Mommy! I'm gonna be late and so are you!" I groaned, turning to my side, "Sorry baby, mommy was up late doing work. What time is it?" Alexandra was dressed in a pink blouse and a bright green skirt. I smiled and kissed her cheek, "I see you dressed yourself. I like the outfit." She smiled big, "Can I wear it to school? Please mommy! Please!" I moved her on to the floor and stood up, "Okay, but at least where black or white shoes." Alexandra jumped with joy, running down the hall and up the stairs to her room.

"I'm so late!" I barged back in the house, running in to the kitchen for the envelope I had forgotten on the side of the sink. Shane stood in the kitchen in front of the stove with a towel wrapped around his waist. "OH! Hello!" I barked with a high pitched laugh to follow. "Mitchie! I'm sorry, I thought you were at work so I didn't—" "No no! Please, continue making breakfast, I just need this." I scooped up the envelope and exited the kitchen. "Will you be here all day?" Shane said yes with a mouth full of food, "Can you pick up Alexandra from the school at 3:15? I have a meeting today and I really don't want to ask my mother to drive all the way out of town." Shane didn't speak for a moment, probably swallowing his food, "Sure, what's the address?" "It's on the fridge! My number is taped to the house phone if you need me! Bye!"

"Missy, I am so sorry I'm late. You don't know the half of my weekend!" Missy shook her head knowingly, "its understandable Miss. Torres, you're work load is rather light due to the meeting anyhow." She handed me a few papers and I made the familiar walk to my office.

"Now, with this new case, it's inevitable that the prosecution is standing up for the key piece. They need to be able to back up that the Johnson children were at the house at the time their parents passed. The only way they can do this is with the proper witnesses. Miss. Torres, I'm going to need you to file through the witness statements and pick out the best three. And then I need you to list five main things that they each speak of. That's going to be our prosecutions foundation." Kyle Moter, the prosecuting attorney spoke to all of us. When the judge needed someone to fill in spots in the prosecution or defense, I was often put in as a fill in to aide in any way. This time it was for the murder of two parents; the children both 17, were suspects. I enjoyed helping out in the cases and being in the inside of them but it was a lot of work on top of the appointments the judge needed me to file in the coming days as the trial approached.

The meeting didn't drag on too long but Kyle wanted me to stay a bit afterwards to discuss the witness statements. "Now the names and address' and occupations are whited out of the statements to protect the identity. Just look at the facts and feel free to write on these. There are twelve witnesses and ten pages per witness. I know it's a lot but this is a case where the kids' motives date back several years. If you could have these filed and returned to me by next Friday that would be splendid. If you have any questions, call me or email me okay?" I nodded and shook his hand, "Oh and Mitchie, thank you." He said sincerely, "I know having Alexandra to take care of is a lot right now, I'll be making sure you're paid double for this." I smiled, "Thank you for giving me this opportunity, I really enjoy doing this."

"Mommy! Kyla made fun of my outfit today! She said it didn't match!" Alexandra ran up to me before I could fully step out of the car. "Baby, hold on. I'm not out of the car yet. Tell me what happened." I picked Alexandra up and she told me the story. "Mommy, she's so mean! I told the teacher but she called me a tattle tale and a liar!" "Did the teacher do anything?" Alexandra shook her head, "Mommy, the teacher believed Kyla!" Alexandra was in tears and I was livid. Shane looked over to her with concern, "She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, just that she needed you. I cheered her up the best I could." Shane told me once we were in the living room alone. I got Alexandra set into a bubble bath and turned on some relaxing music to calm her down. It was the only thing that works with me, and it's the only thing that works with her.

"It's fine Shane. She just hasn't opened up to you yet. She's certainly a lot closer to you than her aunts and my mother." Shane smiled at me; I turned the opposite way as I dialed the schools number. It was hard to stay on track with Shane being as enticing as he was without even trying, it pulled at my heart and I didn't know what to do about it.

After settling matters with the school, I got Alexandra out of the tub and ready for dinner. "Now, when you see Kyla tomorrow you tell her that you forgive her even if she doesn't say sorry to you okay? Cause when you forgive someone, you are really being a big girl cause even some big kids and adults don't do that. And I'll be very proud of you for it." Alexandra nodded her head, "I wasn't mad at her, my feelings just got hurt and I don't want Kyla to always be a mean girl." Alexandra's sincerity for others always warmed my soul and I knew she was going to become a beautiful young girl in time.

Shane and I sung Alexandra to sleep, which she was beginning to love even more now that Shane was staying more than she expected him to. "I love you mommy." She kissed my cheek, "Goodnight Shane," She said, giving him a small hug. "Sweet dreams my butterfly." I tucked her in and left the room with Shane.

"I'm going to wash up, I'll meet you downstairs shortly" I told Shane, making my way to the bathroom down the hall from Alexandra's room. "Okay, take your time." Shane spoke with ease. I watched him as he walked away, hoping that he was going to stay again.

"Feel good?" Shane asked as I sat next to him on the couch, "Yes, work has me really stressed at the moment. I'm filing new witness statements and they have to be done by next Friday. On top of that I have to do my regular appointment schedules for the judge. It's a lot right now." Shane frowned a bit, "Sorry to hear that, but listen. You're not at work so forget about that for right now. Relax and enjoy the moment right now." I took a deep breath, relaxed my shoulders and closed my eyes. "Better?" He questioned, "A little. I'm more relaxed." Shane moved towards me, placing a pillow on the floor in between his feet. "Sit on the pillow." I gave Shane a hesitant look, "Just trust me. Turn on a movie or a show and sit. It'll help." I did as he asked, turning on a rerun of my favorite show Revenge, and I sat in between his legs. He soon started to massage me shoulders and neck. It gave me chills, good chills. It was weird having someone help me relax and calm me but I wasn't about to complain. Shane stopped fifteen or so minutes later. "Now how do you feel?" I didn't have the words to respond so I stood up and sat lightly in his lap, wrapping my hands around his neck, he followed suit, wrapping his arms around me and then he held me.

Shane wrapped one of his hands around my legs and stood up so that he was cradling me, "Shane, what are you-" "Mitchie, just trust me." I didn't disagree because my eyes were heavy. Before I could reopen my eyes, my back was lying against a soft mattress. Shane wasn't but a few seconds from lying down beside me. "Shane-" "Mitchie, trust me." He spoke softly, pulling me against his chest with ease, but slow enough to give me time to rebuke if I wanted- I didn't- I wanted. Shane wrapped his arms around my waist and I around his back, our feet intertwined slightly. "I've never had this." I admitted, "I can tell. Your heart is racing." My cheeks flushed and I went to pull away but Shane held on firmly, enough to reassure me. "Don't be embarrassed. I've never had this either" I looked up at Shane and I could tell by the way he looked at me that he was telling the truth. Whenever Shane lies you can tell by the glossiness of his eyes, if he isn't looking directly at you and his eyes are hazy, he's lying. I couldn't deny the clarity and directness of his gaze.

I woke in the middle of the night, my body still intertwined with Shane's. I slowly moved out of his grasp and slowly made my way into the kitchen. I pulled out a bottle of wine and a small glass. I poured some and slowly drank. What was becoming of us? How could I really trust him? I drank a few more glasses before my mind stopped asking questions. "Mitchie, are you okay?" Shane stood at the corner of the opening, he stepped in to the light and his eyes widened. "Mitchie, have you drunk the whole thing?" I looked down at the once full wine bottle to realize over three fourths of it was gone. I took the last gulp of wine left in my cup before letting it drop from my hands. The glass shattered on the counter. "Damnit! Mitchie! You're going to wake Alexandra!" The wine had taken me under that even the mention of Alexandra couldn't fully snap me out of it. I stood there, inviting the haze, engulfing it.

"Alexandra, it's okay. Mommy just dropped something, go back to bed." Alexandra looked dead at me and knew something was wrong. She ran down the stairs only to be picked up in Shane's arms. She didn't cry but she knew something wasn't right. I still didn't move. "Mommy is really sleepy so let's just get you to bed okay?" Alexandra spoke softly, "Shane, mommy doesn't get up this early." Shane tried to laugh but it was hazy. "I know sweetie. Come on, let's go."

"Mitchie, what were you thinking?" I blinked heavily three times "I was thinking too much. Had to drink it. Didn't mean to drink whole thing." So my words were slurred too much and my sentences improper; all well. Sue me.

"What were you thinking too much about?" Shane poured the rest of the glass contents in to the trash along with the wine bottle. He then took my hand and guided me back to the guest room. I couldn't find the words to tell him the truth, that I was thinking of him and of whether or not I wanted him and I to be more than just Alexandra's parents. I was never good with words, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I used actions.

I shut Shane's door, turning him to face me, he looked at me softly, and he looked hurt but not hurt for himself, hurt for me. "Mitchie, what are you—" I grabbed the back of his neck, guiding his face closer to mine, I leaned up and pressed my lips to his. Even in a haze, the jolt of chemistry and emotions that flowed through me was magical. He didn't pull away, which surprised me, he kissed me gently—the way his lips caressed mine, the way his jaw moved as he did so—he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer very gently so he could kiss me with more ease. He pecked my lips a few times and then pulled away, winded. "We've never kissed like that." I shrugged, "Might be the wine." I said, trying desperately to pull myself out of the haze that had claimed me but it was no use. "You need to sleep. I'll help you to your room." I didn't disagree because I wanted Shane's presence to be with me as long as possible. I didn't know if I would wake up tomorrow and see him there, knowing very well I just showed him a very unstable side of me, a side of me I would never have shown the old Shane, but a side that I don't know if the new Shane can fully accept yet.

The side of me that encouraged him to drink, the side of me that brought him to his destruction four years ago.


	5. Hold On

Flash. Flash. Bang. Bang. My eyes flickered and then I realized what was going on. I was having a hangover. Bang. Bang. My head throbbed excruciatingly; my eyes could barely stay open, fighting against the blinding sun coming through my window. I glanced at the clock, 7 am. Lovely. I got up, very slowly and walked in to the kitchen. It took me eight minutes to make coffee and another five to even make it up the stairs to Alexandra's room. She was in the mirror brushing her hair. Just a few months ago, she wouldn't get out of bed unless I was awake and now she easily did it on her own. "Hey baby" I said groggily. "Hi mommy. I'm almost ready for school" I looked at her outfit, a black plaid shirt and blue jeans. "I like your outfit." I complimented her, "Thanks, I think Kyla will too." I smiled, "Remember what I told you okay? Now, I'm going to get ready, I'll leave you some pop tarts on the table okay? And then when I'm done we'll go." Alexandra replied simply with a nod and continued to fix her hair.

After getting ready, in fifteen minutes, which was good timing considering my hangover, I decided to check on Shane. I opened the door though, to a neatly folded bed and no sign of Shane. I sighed but decided to try and not dwell on it. I knew I would run him out some way or another. Then, my phone began to ring. I reached down to grab it, knowing it was no one else but my mother. Wonderful timing, I thought sarcastically.

"I knew this was going to happen Michelle! I knew it! Do you want me to come up and stay a few days? Help with Alexandra? I'm sure you're feeling even worse after all the wine on top of everything." I couldn't exactly lie to my mother about my hangover; it was clear as day that I wasn't fully sober. "Yeah, I could use some time to rest." I admitted. "Okay, I'll pick up Alexandra from school. You stay at work as long as you need to. I'll take care of everything."

Luckily, Alexandra didn't ask any questions about Shane on the way to school, she was engulfed in telling me about her fairytale dream she had last night. Even better, she didn't bring up seeing me last night either, but I think she was avoiding that at all costs. Even at four, much like me, she was able to identify a bad situation and not confront it. It was rough for me to accept she was already doing this but I was already feeling guilty enough. I'd let her come to me, knowing she will because we have a better relationship than the one my mother and I used to have.

The work day lasted twelve hours and by the time I was home, I was exhausted. Thankfully, I didn't have to schedule many meetings and I didn't have to interview a billion lawyers as usual so I was able to get half of the witness statements filed, but wasn't able to pick any yet. That was the last step because that could take me days. Work kept my mind off the fact that Shane was here anymore, but at lunch it crept up on me that he didn't bother to leave a note, a call, nothing. Absolutely nothing; it ached my body the rest of the day.

When I walked through the door I was prepared to see Alexandra and my mother on the couch watching a movie or taking a nap, however, what I saw almost caused me to collapse. My mother was hunched up on her tippy toes, pointing a finger and yelling, Alexandra was sitting indian style on the couch, tears streaming down her face and Shane was standing in front of my mother, holding his hands up, defenseless. "MOTHER! What are you doing?!" My mother's posture refuted immediately and Shane's composure relaxed as he looked at me. The ache in my heart subsided.

I walked over to Alexandra and scooped her in to my arms, "You okay baby? What's going on?" She wiped her tears away, her hands resting on my shoulder. "Gramma was yelling at Shane telling him he's a bad daddy. Mommy, Shane's not a bad daddy. He's nice. And gramma was telling him to go cause he made you sad. Gramma says that he left us today." The tears streamed down her face like a waterfall. I sat her on my lap and rocked her. She buried her head in my chest. I turned to my mother and Shane; Shane was trying to come near and my mother held her arm out to keep him from doing so, "Mom! Stop. Let him come here." She obeyed and Shane came over. He sat next to me and surprisingly Alexandra moved in to his lap and allowed Shane to soothe her. "Mommy's gonna go talk to gramma and sort this all out okay?" I patted Alexandra's back, through the sniffles I heard her mumble "okay"

"Mom, what's going on?" I asked once we were in my room, "Shane came in around five and he wanted to see you and Alexandra. He had something he wanted to talk to you two about. I told him you weren't home and I didn't want him to see Alexandra because he had left you two this morning without a word. I told him he could come back later to talk to you first and then he could see Alexandra. He got upset and called out her name. So of course, she came running and all but I was trying to explain myself and he cut me off. He wouldn't say why he was gone all day just that it had to do with what he wanted to talk to you about. I made Alexandra sit on the couch and he got angry and told me I had no right to tell him he couldn't see her. Then I brought up the fact that he wasn't around before now and that's when you came in." I sighed, "Mother, you really had no right to say those things. I understand you're trying to protect me but he clearly was gone for a reason and just because he didn't share the reason with you doesn't serve you right to say he can't see our daughter." My mother didn't say anything else. I left her in the room to ponder what I'd said.

I walked back in to the living room where Alexandra was asleep on the couch, Shane next to her. "Why did you leave today?" Shane turned to me, "I was out and about looking for some jobs and I found one. I wanted to tell you that I also found an apartment down the road from here. But I wanted to talk to you about whether or not you wanted me to stay here or at the apartment." I took a seat next to Shane, "I think it's a good idea that you have a job but I think for the time being you should stay at an apartment, just until the year is out and then I'll talk to Alexandra about you moving in. Is there any way you can do a non-binding thing for the apartment?" Shane nodded, "They're cooperative with whatever I decide. I'll let them know first thing tomorrow. Think I can stay just one more night?" I smiled, "Of course. It'd be no problem."

My mother may not think that what Shane had to tell me was of such importance not to share with her but she didn't understand Shane the way I did. I know that when he has something to tell and it's of importance to him, he's not going to share it with anyone until he's shared it with the person he first intends to.

As I cooked dinner; chicken parmesan and salad, Shane and my mother reconciled in the back room. It wouldn't have been a pleasant dinner if Shane and my mother were still at odds. Once my mother left, however, Shane and I were able to talk some more. "I like your mother, but she's never seemed to like me." I laughed, "She's always been in denial of you. I guess she thinks of you as the guy who knocked me up and now you're back for more cause you can't get any from any other girl." Shane chuckled, "I guess I'm exactly that." He responded sarcastically, "I'm sorry I didn't leave a note or anything" He spoke softly, "I didn't expect that you would assume the worse." I looked at him with ease, "You forget who I am sometimes. You should know that all I ever do is assume the worse" He shook his head, "You assume too many things." I went to respond but his lips interrupted, he moved me in towards him to further stabilize the kiss. "You're beautiful. And I don't want you to go on thinking that you'll ever push me away because it won't happen. I'm the one who is more likely to push you away." I kissed him softly, his lips felt like smooth velvet, they were so addicting. "It's been years Shane. I'm still getting to know how you act and how you move again. Sure, you're likes and dislikes haven't changed but there's so many things different. How was I supposed to know that staying was a new one?" Shane looked at me with sincerity, so much so that it ran chills through my body. "You're not supposed to know that. No one is. But you should trust me. Open your heart." I moved closer, "You were the one that taught me to close it." I saw his eyes fill with regret and he pulled me in to him, wrapping his arms around my back. "Then we've got some work to do." He said with assurance.

I held his hand in mine; still afraid I was going to push this precious man away from me and away from our daughter. I held on tighter.


	6. Complete

"There's supposed to be a really bad storm tonight so I went out and got some groceries." Shane placed several bags on the table. "Thanks. So my boss called and he said that he paid me overtime this week for the cases I'd done. Very glad that it's all over with. I'd like to thank you again for taking care of Alexandra while I've been so busy, I appreciate it." He squeezed my hand, "My pleasure."

"Mommy, I need help." I turned to see Alexandra's brush stuck in her curls. "Baby, what did you do?" I kneeled down, seeing her hair wrapped around the brush in every which way. "Hold still okay?" I unwrapped what pieces of hair I could and slowly pried the brush from her hair. "Go sit on the couch. I'm gonna get a detangler and brush it for you." Her little feet pranced in to the living room.

"Have a good day baby." I kissed her forehead and watched her walk in to the school entrance. Driving home, I contemplated what I would do with my day off. Spend it with Shane? Possibly.

When I got home, the lights were dimmed except for an unusual brightness coming from Shane's bedroom. I knocked on his door lightly, "Can I come in?" I heard shuffling, "Yeah, one second." Shane opened the door slowly. A small table was set at the foot of the bed; candles were lit in the middle of the table. "Shane-" He pulled me by my waist close to him, our bodies touching, "I want to show you how much I care about you. I also want you to have a relaxing day." He pecked my forehead, "I hope shrimp and chocolate strawberries are okay?" I smiled, "You know me well"

"When I didn't show at the hospital, all I really remember that day is drinking and drinking. My parents kicked me out so I was back and forth at friends' houses. I didn't even know what day of the week it was and every time I would think about you or the baby I drank some more until I forgot. I always had to drink to unconsciousness before I would forget. But one night I ended up drinking so much that I woke up in hospital. They said my friend called 911 because I threatened to kill myself. The hospital then wanted me to go to rehab, so I did. And I was able to get ahold of my lawyer when I was sober. It took me a few years. I would do well then I would slip. Then my mother came in with pictures of you and the baby. That's when I knew that I still wanted to be a part of your lives."

"I came so far, for a while I was so depressed that mom would take care of Alexandra for days and days. One day Alexandra was just screaming and crying all day, she wasn't quite a year old yet. My mom brought her in my room and sat her in the bed next to me. Alexandra just kept saying mommy, mommy, mommy. Over and over. That's when I knew I had to do something with my life; I couldn't let this little girl go without a mommy and daddy. So I stepped up. But not a day went by where I didn't think of how things would've been had you been in the picture."

"I'm here now, Mitchie." he kissed my fingertips. "I know," I said with a smile, "So how does a massage sound?" I cocked an eyebrow, "I don't know." He smiled, standing up and offering his hands out towards me, "It's not a trick question. Would like a massage?" I smiled, "Yes, I would." He kissed my cheek. "Go put on a bikini and pin your hair up, meet me back here when you're finished. I'll clean up here." My heart jolted. Shane? Giving me a massage?

So I didn't exactly plan to put on my string bikini but it was the only one I could find, but I wasn't complaining. I walked in to Shane's room; he was sitting on his bed in shorts and a tank. "Damn" He whispered, he cleared his throat, "Hey beautiful." He reached over for my arm and I got on the bed. "Lay down." He whispered. He set a pillow down for me to prop up my arms and head and he put on classical music to soothe the tension. He kneeled over my back, taking lotion and started to rub my shoulders. "You're tense. Relax Mitch." I took a breath as Shane rubbed my shoulders some more. The more Shane rubbed my shoulders the more my body relaxed. He then moved to my middle back, his thumbs rubbed the knots in my back with a tenderness I hadn't experienced before. As Shane's hands worked their way down my body, I got a rush in the pit of my stomach. I tried to take my mind off of what I wanted Shane to do but it was getting harder when he reached my legs. "Relax, you're tensing up." Shane caressed my back to soothe me. I couldn't relax. "Okay, sorry" I took a breath. Shane rubbed my legs a little more and it slowly worked on me and I calmed.

"Turn over." He whispered gently. I hadn't noticed I fell asleep. Shane helped me turn over. He massaged my hands and made his way up to my neck. Shane's hands moved across the upper part of my chest and the same feeling from before rose in the pit of my stomach. Shane moved his hands to my ribs and started to massage my sides and stomach. His hands moved more in a caressing movement along my sides, I think Shane remembered that was one of my weak spots. I bit my lip. I was surprised when Shane's finger pulled my lips apart, "You're gonna make your lip bleed." He whispered. It was a sexual whisper, one that wasn't intentional, which made it even sexier. Shane's hands proceeded to my lower stomach and then he started massaging my thighs. Curse this bikini. He began massaging the top of my thighs and my body squirmed a little.

"Too much Mitch?" I took a breath and shook my head, "No, I'm okay. Continue." He continued to massage my legs and it took everything I had to not squirm and enjoy it. "That was very nice." I said once Shane finished massaging my feet. I thought he would respond and when he didn't I opened my eyes. He was standing at the end of the bed. His eyes on fire- he looked at me with passion. "I'm sorry Mitch." he whispered, "I thought I could control myself." I shook my head, "Shane, you did fine, really. It's okay." He climbed on the bed and on top of me. "What I'm about to do won't be fine." He kissed me with a passion I couldn't get away from. "If you want me to stop, tell me now. Cause I won't be able to in about a minute." Shane looked at me as serious as he could with the fire burning behind the seriousness in his eyes. "I don't want to have sex." I spoke freely. "Let me make love to you." He kissed me, biting my lip softly. "Speak now or forever hold your peace." He whispered, kissing my cheek, slowly making his way to my neck, he bit and pulled at my skin, kissing it and licking it with a flow that made my body squirm. "Time's about up." He said, kissing my shoulder blade. I closed my eyes and let myself go.

His fingers gripped my bikini straps and when he lifted my neck, I felt the straps fall as he untied them. He reached a finger behind my back and lifted my hips with his other hand; he then proceeded to untie those straps. He placed my top off to the side. I opened my eyes to see what he was doing because his hands were no longer on me. I opened them just to see him pull off his shirt and put it with my top. "Close your eyes." He whispered. I obeyed as he proceeded to caress my breasts and my waist. "Time's up." He whispered in my ear, biting it lightly. My body arched in response. He continued to bite my ear, each time my body arched, the third time; I felt his hands along my hips, untying my bottoms. "As beautiful as this is on you, you're much more beautiful with nothing on." He whispered, biting my ear once more. He pecked my lips as he finished pulling my bottoms away from me. When I reached towards him to his pants, he placed my hands to my sides. "You stay here. Let me do the work." I bit my lip. I ached so badly to caress him, to hold him. He could see it too. "Not yet." he spoke softly.

He pulled his pants and boxers off with an ease, it made me question whether he'd done this with anyone other than me- I knew the answer, he hadn't. But I still doubted myself. "You okay?" He rubbed my cheek, "Scaring myself." I mumbled. His lips met mine, "Don't Mitch." He laid his body on top of mine for the first time, ever. When we'd first had sex- it couldn't be classified as love making- we'd still had half of our clothes on. This intimacy was much more exceptional. "Are you ready?" I placed my hands on his shoulders. "Yes." He kissed me before positioning himself closer; his hands pinned on either side of my shoulders, his legs on the outside of mine, I felt him against my thigh and I groaned softly. "You sure?" I could tell he was being playful, he wanted to torture me. His eyes mocked me. I pushed my hips in to his, along his groin. His eyes widened. "You want me" He said, and then, he slowly pushed himself into me.

He moved his hips slowly, trying to put himself inside, "Mitchie, help me." I placed my hand down to him, and eased him inside me. I pushed my hips against his at every thrust until I felt a sharp pain. "Stop." I placed my hands on his shoulders. "Slower, it just," I groaned in pain, "Hurts. Ow." He slowly moved further in to me. The pain lessened and I told him he could continue. "Oh wow." I moaned, "Does it hurt?" He slowed, "No, it feels good." He kissed me and continued.

I wrapped my body around his comfortably and fell asleep with easiness. I felt complete.

"Mitch, wake up." Shane shook me awake, "What's going on?" I questioned, rubbing my eyes, "It's time to get Alexandra." I yawned, "Already?" He kissed me, "Come on Mitchie." I got out of bed, Shane's eyes practically drooling over me. "Please put some clothes on. You're killing me." He said with a anxious tone. I smirked, swaying my hips on the way out of the room. "You tease!" I heard him shout as I walked upstairs. I laughed loud enough for him to hear.

"How was school baby?" Alexandra jumped in to my arms, "It was good mommy. I have to do homework today." "Really? What do you have to do baby?" She gave me a soft look, "I have to write about my favorite moment but some words I might not know so I need you to help me okay mommy?" I smiled, "I'd love to. We'll do it when we get home." Alexandra squirmed out of my arms. "SHANE!" She ran to him, he was leaning casually against the car. He twirled her around with ease. She giggled and smiled. "Miss. Torres?" I turned to see Alexandra's teacher, "Hello, how are you?" She smiled, "I'm good, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a brief moment." I nodded, "Yeah one second." I walked towards Shane and Alexandra. "You two get in the car. I'll be there in a second." Shane nodded, taking Alexandra's hand. I walked back towards Alexandra's teacher. "Next week is when the kids all bring in there parents and they talk about their jobs and they get to spend a day with the kids and I know that Alexandra's dad isn't in the picture and I've just been going around talking to all the single parents and letting them know that they are more than welcome to bring in an aunt or uncle or whomever because there are a few games that involve two. I thought I'd extend the invitation to you as well." I smiled, "Alexandra has also spoken very much of Shane, whomever that is, and he can come. She said she wanted him to." Her teacher added. I smiled wider. "That's Shane over there. He's her father. He has recently come back to us so I'm sure we'll both be present. Thank you."

"What did Mrs. Thorn want mommy?" I smiled, "She was just saying how I could bring someone else with me to the parent game day next week but I explained how Shane was here now and he would come along." Shane eyed me, "It's a parent thing" He nodded, "I'd love to come. Can I, Alexandra?" She nodded, "Of course. You are my daddy after all." Shane tried not to, but I could see his eyes water. I squeezed his thigh. He smiled softly.


	7. Falling Apart

"So, would you still prefer I stay at my apartment or are you okay with me moving in?"

Shane has been with us for over three months and the New Year is just a few days away. Shane stays at his apartment throughout the week and stays with Alexandra and I on the weekends. I am still unsure if I am ready for him to be around all the time, but I know that it's inevitably up to Alexandra, not me.

"Alexandra, baby, we have something important to talk to you about." We walked in to her room to find her playing with her assortment of toys.

"Do you want Shane to come live with us?"

Alexandra moved and sat on my lap, "Mommy, all my friends' mommy's and daddy's live together. I think that as long as you and Shane don't fight then it's okay. A lot of my friends parents fight and they are sad a lot."

I kiss her forehead, "Baby, Shane and I won't fight."

"Good, then he can live with us. But he has to cook sometimes too. You can't do it all." Shane kneeled in front of her and kissed her cheek. "You're in charge, pumpkin. What ever you say goes."

"Does this mean we can have cake for dinner?" Alexandra's face lit up in humor. "No, that's one thing you don't get to decide." Alexandra shrugged, "I tried" she said softly, retreating back to her toys.

"So it's settled? I can move in?" Shane questioned, bringing me into a kiss. "If that is what you want to do, then yes."

"Mommy, I don't feel good." I brought Alexandra closer to me, "What hurts?" She pointed to her head, I placed my palm on it to feel for a fever, she was burning. "Come on baby, let's get you dried off and dressed okay?" I carried Alexandra to my room and helped her get dressed. "Mommy." Alexandra's cry broke my heart, "Baby, what's wrong?"

She grabbed my hand, "Mommy my eyes, it's hard to see." "Okay baby, I'm right here. I'm gonna carry you to the bathroom to take your temperature okay?" She nodded, tears flowing from her cheeks.

"Okay baby, you got a temperature of a 100. Take this medicine for mommy okay? Open wide." Alexandra obeyed and took kids Nyquill. "This will help you sleep."

I tucked Alexandra in to my bed, she tossed for twenty minutes but finally curled up and fell asleep. "Shane, it's Mitchie. Are you almost done getting your stuff? Alexandra's running a fever. I'm worried." "I've got everything in the car right now. I'll be there as fast as I can."

I heard Shane run through the house as fast and as quietly as he could, unfortunately there was no medium. Luckily the medicine had kept Alexandra asleep.

"How is she?" He asked, standing in the doorway.

"She's still warm. I don't know what to do." I admitted sheepishly, "She's only had a fever one time and after some sleep she was fine but she isn't looking too good, her skin is so pale and she's sweating so much."

"I think we should take her to the hospital, just to be safe." Shane looked at me with a gloom expression. "I don't want to take risks when it comes to our daughter." I nodded, "Will you pack some things for us and her? I'm going to try and wake her to ask her how she feels. She said she couldn't see me before she fell asleep."

"Mitchie, don't worry. She's strong." He encouraged me but it wasn't enough. My poor baby was more than sick, I could feel it in my heart. Somethings wrong with our baby girl.

"I called your mother, she's on her way." Shane placed several bags in the back of the car, "Daddy, my head hurts" Alexandra reached out to Shane, he took her in his arms. This is the first she's every directly called him her dad. But Shane clearly wasn't focused on that.

"We're gonna take you to the big doctor. It's the hospital and they're gonna make you better okay?" Alexandra nodded her head, "Promise?" He kissed her nose "You bet."

I filled out all the necessary paperwork as fast as my hand would allow, I started crying half way through before a nurse had to escort me away from Alexandra and Shane. She said it was best that I not be upset in front of Alexandra because it could make matters worse but I retorted, "It's best you stay out of my business because my daughter is ill and I have every right to be upset." Although I didn't go back to Shane and Alexandra until I was done crying.

Shane, the saint that he is, finished the paperwork with Alexandra in his lap, fast asleep.

When they finally admitted Alexandra her temperature was 102.3 and she was screaming in pain. "Mommy! My head hurts!" She sobbed, wrapping her little hand around my fingers, she squeezed in pain. "They're gonna make it stop baby. They're gonna make it stop."

They tried medication after medication hour upon hour until the morning when they decided to give her a small sedative to help her sleep so they could take some tests. At that time, my mother arrived.

"Hey ma." She kissed my head then sat next to Shane. "Where's my grand baby?" She questioned irritably, "I didn't drive three hours in the middle of the night for nothing." "Ma, calm down. She's getting a CT scan. She has a fever and massive headache, also loss of some vision. They're just trying to diagnose what's wrong with her." She nodded simply, "I hope to God nothing is seriously wrong."

"Me too, Ma. Me too."

The doctor came in half an hour past nine. Shane and I have been here a total of twelve and a half hours, but we weren't relenting yet. "We looked over the CT scans and it looks like there is a small tumor in Alexandra's brain. It's a small tumor resting above her pituitary gland and it may be cancerous. We'd have to test the tissue around the tumor to tell. It may just be a discomfort and we only need to remove it, or on the off chance it's cancerous, we'll have to remove it as well as do tests to see if the origin of the cancer was anywhere else in the body. And possibly proceed with radiation or chemotherapy."

"One step at a time, doctor. How would you test the tissue of the tumor?"

"We may be able to do some imaging of her brain and the tumor and we may be able to view it that way through CT scans but if that fails, we'll have to remove it."

"So no matter what, the tumor inside my daughters head is going to be removed?" I questioned bitterly.

"Yes, unless her discomfort goes away and my tests are wrong."

"I hope very well they are." I spoke harshly.

"Mitchie." Shane grabbed my arm, pulling me back towards him.

At noon, the doctor returned again. Alexandra was taken out all morning for tests and diagnostics, I hated her being separated from us.

"The tumor isn't cancerous, but it does need removed. Brain tumors can be the result of genetics as well as environment, so there's no source that can be directly accused for creating this." The doctor could see I stopped listening. "When is a good time for you as a family for Alexandra's operation?" I looked at Shane and he simply nodded my way, his signal of leaving it up to me. "We don't want our daughter to suffer. When's the earliest this can be done?"

The doctor flipped through some papers on his clipboard. "Tomorrow. Until then we can keep her on medication but that's all. It's best if she is able to recover the next few days and hopefully she'll be able to go home for the New Year. Sedating young children for surgery isn't something we want to risk because of the odds of them waking up."

Shane jumped in, knowing very well I'd had enough, "Please leave us be until tomorrow." The doctor obliged, "We're getting a new doctor. He doesn't seem to actually care about us or our daughter. And he's scaring me." Shane kissed me, "I agree" My mother responded from across the room, "it took everything in me not to beat him into next week. The nerve he had."

"Guys, I just want my baby to be okay again. I hate seeing her like this." Shane opened his arms to me and I snuggled against his chest. "This nightmare will be over soon enough, Mitch. It'll all be okay." I nodded and let myself go, engulfing myself into his scent as I descend to sleep.

"Babe, wake up." Shane woke me lightly, I smiled at him softly before turning towards Alexandra's bed to see it empty. "Where is she?" I questioned fearfully. "They're doing some scans. She'll be back in about ten minutes. She's been gone for about an hour." Shane explained, viewing his watch and sighing.

"I need to see her." I said softly. Shane nodded and grabbed my hand, we walked towards the nurses station to gather where she was.

On our way to the test room we found my mother coming up from the café. "I didn't want to wake you and Shane didn't want to leave you so I got you both something to eat." She smiled softly, obviously trying to still makeup for the outburst she'd had a couple weeks ago. "Thanks Ma. We're going to go get Alexandra, we'll meet you back at the room okay?"

"The tumor is in fact benign (non cancerous) therefore we're going to place Alexandra on some medication for her swelling and then we'll determine if she's healthy enough for surgery or if you want to try another option." The new doctor approached us with a warm smile and talked to us genuinely. He was much better than the previous flake of a doctor we had.

"There is a new surgery we could do that is quicker and less risky especially for someone of Alexandra's age. We can remove the tumor through her nasal cavity and her mouth. It's less intrusive and less tissue is damaged in the process. And of course the brain is untouched." The doctor explained the possible surgery with calmness and clarity.

"I think I want to wait a little longer before we decide. I want to spend time with my daughter and ask her what she wants." I spoke confidently, Shane held my hand in agreement. "Very well. Would you like to see her? She was behaved well enough and cooperated so we didn't have to give her any medicine to put her to sleep. She's really a wonderful young girl." I smiled "Thank you doctor."

"Mommy, look what I got!" Alexandra was sucking on a lollipop. "Hi baby." I kneeled down next to her, looking in to her eyes. "How are you feeling?" She took the lollipop out of her mouth and hesitated. "My head hurts a little and I'm tired but I'm okay." I smiled, "Good, wanna take a walk with me and Shane?" She looked at me with bright eyes and a huge smile.

"Alexandra wants her headaches to go away so once the swelling is down, you can go through with the surgery." I told the doctor of Alexandra's request and then he explained the side effects of post surgery and everything that could go with it. Shane and I then signed a disclosure agreement on behalf of Alexandra. "We'll start the surgery tomorrow morning and hopefully she'll be out of here later tomorrow night in time to see the ball drop for New Years." I thanked the doctor before retreating back to Alexandra's room.

Dallas and Madison arrived shortly after noon to bring food and balloons for Alexandra, she was happy to see them even though she'd recently seen them for Christmas.

After visiting hours were over, Shane convinced me to go home with him and let my mother stay with Alexandra for the night so we both would be well rested for her surgery the following morning. I agreed once Alexandra was asleep. "If she wakes up at all, call me." My mother shook her head "I will, now go get some rest. You look awful." I rolled my eyes and left with Shane.

"I am ready for this nightmare to be over with." I laid next to Shane, wearing a long t-shirt. "Mitch, at least get under the covers." I sluggishly pulled myself under the covers, happy I did so because I was instantly swarmed into the warmth of Shane's body. "I don't want anything to happen to Alexandra, but I don't want you hurting yourself by trying to protect her. You need to rest before you get anxiety and then get sick and you end up in the hospital." Shane rubbed my head, kissing it lightly. "Okay okay." Shane poked my ticklish spot underneath my ribs and I jumped. "What?" I giggled. "Don't get attitude with me baby. I'm trying to protect you." I leaned my head up to kiss him, he met my lips with his. "I'm sorry" I responded after the kiss. He smiled at me, I pulled myself closer to him and leaned up on him. "Let me make it up to you." I whispered in his ear. "No, baby, you need rest." I smiled, "Fine. Another day."

Shane kissed my lips softly, holding on to me, "You're beautiful and I can't believe I'm denying you but we have a big day tomorrow." I turned away on my back but kept enough closeness between us that he still had me wrapped in his arms. "I understand. My head is out of the gutter. Goodnight Shane." He rubbed my arm, "Goodnight love."

We arrived at the hospital at six a.m. Alexandra was due to be prepped for surgery at seven, luckily she was still asleep when we arrived. My mother was awake and anxious. "She slept all night even when the nurses came in for blood work." I stopped my mother, "They took blood without me being here?!" Shane pulled me from the room. "Mitchie, it was in the agreement. Breathe, okay baby?" I tried breathing but it made me mad more, "This is exactly why I don't like leaving the hospital. What if something happened to her or they took too much blood or-" "Mitchie" Shane placed his hands on my cheeks, making me keep eye contact. "Nothing happened, okay. We need to focus on right now." I nodded, taking a moment to gather myself.

"She's still asleep so that makes the sedative we're giving her settle in quicker. When she's fully under, we'll take her in. The surgery shouldn't last more than a few hours, maybe less." I nodded to the doctor, kissing Alexandra's forehead as they rolled her away from me. I leaned on Shane and cried for an hour, luckily my mother had left, promising to return later after she rested at my house.

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until Shane was shaking me.

When I opened my eyes, the doctor was in front of us. "The surgery went well. Alexandra's tumor is fully removed and she's in ICU just for monitoring and you'll be able to see her in about an hour after some morphine has settled into her system. "Why can't I see her now if she's done?" I questioned suspiciously.

"She's been in a lot of pain and I think it would be best if she settles before anyone sees her. I don't want your emotions influencing her and creating anxiety or stress. That would initially cause more problems." The doctor spoke with easiness and assurance. I knew he was looking out for Alexandra as well as me and sadly, I knew if she was in a lot of pain, I would more than likely be upset too.

Shane gripped my hand tightly, waiting for my irate response. "Thanks doctor."

I turned to Shane, "You go in with her. I can't control my emotions right now. You can. So come out when she isn't in a lot of pain." Shane shook his head, "Not without you." I sighed, "Shane, your her father. Please" He kissed my forehead, "If you feel ready you can come in. I'll have one of the nurses come get you if she settles before you do." I nodded, holding in my tears. "Mitchie, I love you." I kissed his smooth lips, "I love you." I replied softly, I was afraid anything above a whisper would influence my tears to start.

Alexandra's eyes lit up and her face flushed when I came in the room. Shane was holding her in his arms and her head was laying against his chest. "How's my baby girl?" I questioned, taking a seat at the bottom of the bed. She put her thumb up in reply. "Her mouth hurts from the surgery." Shane spoke for her. "The doctor said she'll be better tomorrow. She doesn't want to make the swelling worse by talking." I caressed her cheek, "Alexandra if you talk, the swelling won't get worse I promise. You can talk." Alexandra smiled "Mommy, I wanna go home now."

The ball dropped in Times Square, Shane holding me and me holding Alexandra. Not but a minute later was she fast asleep. I bundled her in a blanket and placed her on the love seat to watch her sleep.

"Are you going to stay up all night?" Shane questioned after two a.m rolled around and I still wasn't in bed. "I don't want to not be here when she wakes." Shane sighed, "Mitchie, I think the best thing for her is to let her sleep in her own bed." I tried to rebuttal but Shane stopped me. "She told me she didn't want to be treated different. She likes the life she has and she wants to keep it." One thing I couldn't do was argue with what Alexandra wanted; if it was in my power to do so, then so be it.


	8. Fantasy of Forever

"Mommy, wake up." Alexandra walked into my room and jumped up and down on my bed. I had been laying there for a few minutes but was struggling to get up. It was the first night I'd slept good since Alexandra's surgery two weeks ago. I went to her doctor every day to make sure she was okay but no matter how many times the doctor reassured me that she was as healthy as ever, I still worried. I couldn't lose my baby, she's everything and without her I wouldn't be able to go on. Finally, Shane convinced me that she would be alright and I finally agreed to go back to her checkups every four months. And in return Shane agreed that whenever she was sick, we would take her to the hospital immediately. All I wanted was to make sure she was healthy enough to go to school; both Shane, the doctor and my family assured me she was. Even so, I took leave from work to pick her up from school every day in case something might've happened. Today will be my first day back in almost a month.

Shane's work fired him for taking too much time off. Shane didn't bother trying to explain to them the situation because he had money from his career as a singer and actor. He assured me that the job was something to keep him busy when he wasn't with Alexandra and me but now that he would be moving in with us, he didn't mind being fired. I brought myself out of the thoughts and brought myself back to my girl.

"I'm up sis. How are you feeling?" She gave me a soft hug as she had been doing every time I asked her how she felt, "I feel fine mommy. Don't worry. Where's Shane?" I was hoping she would get used to calling him Daddy but I knew that it wouldn't last. She didn't trust him enough yet. That's okay though. She'll come around to him.

"He went to get some food for the rest of the week since mommy hasn't been working. Why don't you hop in the bath okay? He'll be back by the time you get done." Alexandra tried pouting but finally gave in to my request.

"Is there anymore groceries or did you bring them all in?" I asked Shane as I walked in to the kitchen with Alexandra attached to my hip. "I got it all." He said softly, smiling at me.

"Shane! What's for breakfast?" Alexandra looked at him eagerly and he kissed her forehead. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was hurt that she was still calling him Shane. "What would you like? Pancakes or toast?" Alexandra smiled wide, "Can we have chocolate chip pancakes?" Shane looked at me, "Do we have chocolate chips?" I pointed to the cupboard above him and he reached in and got the pancake mix and chocolate chips.

"How about you stay here sweetie and help Shane? Mommy has to go to work for a little bit okay?" Shane gave me a questionable look. I walked over to him and kissed him on his cheek, "They need me in for a little. I promise I won't be long." Shane stressed to me last night the importance of spending time with Alexandra and taking some time off of work was what he had suggested. I just didn't feel right about him providing for everything but clearly that wasn't up for discussion when he went and bought all the groceries today.

Shane kissed my cheek softly and let his lips linger longer than usual. "Please don't take long." I bit my lip as I stepped away. He spoke in a tone that I was too familiar with, a tone he always used years ago; the tone that could get me to do anything at any time. Maybe he didn't realize he was using it. Once I looked at him before leaving, I could tell by the look in his eyes he knew what he was doing. It scared me. I knew that he could use that tone to get me to do almost anything and he knew that too.

I watched the paved road with ease as the raindrops came pouring down. I tried to calm myself; Shane's a different person, he won't use anything to take advantage of me, I told myself. But no matter how many times I repeated that in my head, I still feared.

Alexis was the secretary today, she handed me a large pamphlet and pointed me towards my bosses office. I walked in slowly.

"Hello, Miss. Torres. Thank you for coming in at such short notice." I thanked him for allowing me the time off. He asked me to sit and I declined politely.

"I would like you to go over those cases before you leave today. It shouldn't take too long, I know it looks like a lot but most are brief notes. Once you finish that, I would like for you to take a leave of absence for a few months. More like a paid vacation. I know how hard you've been working for your daughter and because of you we've been able to win several cases and reopen over a dozen. And when you come back, you'll be promoted in my position. I know you've been here for only ten months but I want you to run this firm for me because I like your dedication and hard work. You can come back when your daughter goes back to school in the fall. You'll be paid as if you were working forty hours a week and we'll give you two weeks overtime pay. Your salary will triple when you take my place in the fall. I know that this time with your daughter's recent surgery has come as a shock and I truly believe you have worked for the time off."

I thanked him with tears in my eyes. "I am so honored. Thank you." He thanked me as well, "It has been a pleasure to work with you and it is my pleasure to give you my job. Besides, I'm ready for retirement. The Judge has repeatedly told me of how your work ethic is always above and beyond his expectations. He even mentioned that most days you work harder than he does. And in watching you these past few months, I couldn't agree more. Now, get to work Miss. Torres. You have one last day here before you're promoted." He gave me a genuine wink as I left his office.

I called my sisters and mother and told them the good news. They congratulated me happily. I then finished up my last bit of paperwork and handed it in to the boss. I tried hard to not speed on my way home but I was desperate to tell Alexandra and Shane face to face.

When I walked through the door, Shane was sprawled out on the couch with Alexandra in his arms. Alexandra saw me and jumped out of Shane's arms into mine.

"Hello baby. How was your day?" I smiled at her, she smiled back. "It was good. Shane and I went to the park and got burgers and came home and made a snack and watched Spongebob!"

"I'm glad you and Shane had a good day. Mommy had a good day too. I got some really good news. Do you wanna hear it?" She smiled brightly. "YES!" I sat her down next to Shane and began to tell them about my day.

"That's amazing, Mitch. I'm so happy for you." Shane kissed my cheek. "Mommy, are we gonna be rich now?" I eyed her carefully, "What does mommy say about money?" Alexandra looked at me softly, "Money is not important. Love makes you happy, not money." I nodded, "That's right. Now go wash up. Dinner will be soon."

"You're an amazing mother to her, you know?" Shane told me. I shook my head, "I do my best. Doesn't mean I am the best." Shane disagreed, pulling me in for a kiss. "I love you Michelle." I kissed him softly, "Thank you for coming back. Your timing couldn't have been more perfect."

Shane held me in his arms, "I love you and I love our daughter so much. And I want to love you every moment for the rest of my life. I want to make up for the years I missed out on. And I want to heal your broken heart. I want you to remember every good memory when you think of me, no more bad memories." I pulled away with tears in my eyes, "I want that too Shane."

I let Shane hold me for a few more minutes. Forever? I've only ever fantasized about having forever with Shane, but even recently, I didn't think he'd ever admit he wanted it too. My heart leaped with joy.


End file.
